First of all I want to say a big Thank you to all of you for your very kind comments on my recent poems. Your feedback is very much appreciated...so once again - Thank You!
This poem I have chosen to post is one I had written when a very dear friend of my passed away. The family joke had always been I was the daughter she never had. I thought that joke stayed between her and I...until I attended her funeral. All her sisters and brothers came to find me and hugged me and told me how much Marlene loved me and all of them said "Oh you're Marlene's daughter!" Funny - I never realized how much of an impact on made on her life. I just thought it was a family joke. A year after Marlene had died, I missed here tremendously. I thought if Heaven had a phone number I could call her...but what would I say? Well....this is what I came up with. I've recently put music to it and if you click the link...you can listen to it. http://www.catching-rainbows.com/songs.html
If Heaven Had A Phone Number
If Heaven had a phone number
I'd call you up today
Just to hear your voice again
From a million miles away
If Heaven had a staircase
I'd climb them one by one
Just to see you smile again
I'd maybe even run
But there is no way to reach you
For Heaven has no phone
But I believe you're watching me
I know I'm not alone
And there are no steps to climb
So I can hear your voice once more
I guess I'll just close my eyes
And see you along the shore
If Heaven had a phone number
I'd call you everyday
Just to say "I love you
And miss you more each day"
And if Heaven had a staircase
I'd climb up to the top
And take you in my arms once more
And hug you with all I've got
But there is no way to reach you
For Heaven has no phone
But I believe you're watching me
I know I'm not alone
And there are no steps to climb
So I can hear your voice once more
I guess I'll just close my eyes
And see you along the shore
You may not be here with me
But I'll not say good bye
For I'll see you again someday
At your mansion in the sky
If Heaven had a phone number
I'd call you up today
Just to say "I love you"
From a million miles away
Hello Mindy
ReplyDeleteI believe that some of the poems we write may be more for ourselves (catharsis) than for others and I feel as though this poem feels too personal for me to critique it –
If you feel as though you would like some feedback about this poem in terms of phrasing, poetic devices, or form, I would be happy to give you some suggestions.
I enjoyed reading this tender tribute to your friend.
Mindy...this is very touching! I'm not one for critique. Trying to learn from the awesome folks here at dVerse...but I think I simply enjoy the reading too much. The knowledge Luke, Julie and Christi possess is amazing! (Not to mention somewhat intimidating! lol) One day I hope to know half as much...but for now, I see your friend at her mansion, just down the lane from Delta Dawn, and I know she's listening to your song with a big ol'smile.
ReplyDeleteMy eyes misted here... This is a touching emotional write. Thanks for sharing this ~
ReplyDeletesmiles. i can only hope someone writes as such or anywhere near about me when my time comes...really a lovely verse...i would not dare to crit it...
ReplyDeleteMerry Christmas and Happy New Year.
ReplyDelete